Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?? - It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work! "Probably at work!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 22-Jan-2005 22:36 EST Where are all the Americans? A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican". The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says "I no American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says... "Probably at work!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 13-Dec-2005 22:05 EST Understanding Engineers Alittle something to help you Understand Engineers . Submitted by Saraphina : 13-Nov-2005 22:24 EST Doctor's Prescription A guy was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later, the guy complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked. "What do you think I've been doing," said the annoyed man, "shoving them up my ass?" Submitted by Big Daddy : 30-Dec-2004 11:30 EST Give it 100% Can you give it more than 100% ? Submitted by J-mac : 21-Dec-2004 00:10 EST Birth Control One day a Pharmacist got a phone call from a teenager: Teen: How come I got pregnant while I am on the birth control pills? Pharmacist: Well, it’s not 100% safe, were you taking it at the same time everyday? Teen: No, I only take it before I have intercourse Pharmacist: .... Submitted by Lumchi : 19-Oct-2004 22:55 EST Do Not Eat!?!?! Old Man: I have a question about my new medicine I picked up 2 days ago Pharmacist: Sure Old Man: I wanted to know when I can start eating, I am starved Pharmacist: What do you mean by that? You haven’t eaten for 2 days? Old man: Inside the sealed bottle there’s a capsule that read ‘Do Not Eat Silicone inside’, so I haven’t eaten since I started this medicine but I still have 88 capsules left in the bottle! Submitted by Lumchi : 19-Oct-2004 22:45 EST Things you would like to say at work... ...but can't Submitted by Doc : 11-Oct-2004 01:41 EST