How do you turn a lawn mower into a snow blower? - Hand the bitch a shovel! Submitted by Big Daddy : 02-Feb-2006 22:28 EST The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed her ex-husband at the bar... ..."Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much." Submitted by Big Daddy : 13-Jul-2005 09:29 EST What do you think I am??? There was a married couple. Eyery day the husband went golfing from 10 to 4. Once the wife asked the husband "Could you please repair the dripping faucet in the bathroom when you come home?" The husband replied "What,so now you think I'm a plumber?" Then the wife also told him "The bulb in the kitchen is also broken". The husband responded, "So now you think I'm an electrician?" When the husband came back home from golfing, the bulb was changed and even the faucet in the bathroom was repaired. Wondering what had happened, the husaband asked his wife "How did all these jobs get done?" She answered, "Today there was a man I met on the street who said he repaired anything for a roll in the hay or some cookies." The husband said, "I do really hope you gave him some cookies!!" She replied, "What, so now you think I'm a baker?" Submitted by Big Daddy : 07-Jun-2005 21:18 EST What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? - A widow. Submitted by AuntLeeLee : 24-May-2005 09:22 EST Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." Submitted by AuntLeeLee : 23-May-2005 22:34 EST Why are married women heavier than single women? - Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Submitted by AuntLeeLee : 23-May-2005 22:31 EST Then there was a woman who said... "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late." Dad: "That happens in every country, son." Submitted by Big Daddy : 23-May-2005 22:28 EST Young son: "Is it true Dad"... ..."that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son." Submitted by Big Daddy : 23-May-2005 22:26 EST When a woman steals your husband... ...there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. Submitted by Big Daddy : 23-May-2005 22:25 EST I miss my wife an awful lot... ...but my aim is getting better Submitted by Big Daddy : 22-May-2005 11:54 EST Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by th e ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up." Submitted by Devios : 19-May-2005 09:43 EST First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Submitted by Devios : 19-May-2005 09:25 EST Just think, if it weren't for marriage... ...men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. Submitted by Devios : 19-May-2005 09:24 EST Marriage... ...is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Submitted by Devios : 19-May-2005 08:35 EST A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"... Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." Submitted by Devios : 19-May-2005 08:23 EST A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted"... Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine." Submitted by Devios : 18-May-2005 23:23 EST At a cocktail party, one woman said to another... "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." Submitted by Devios : 18-May-2005 23:18 EST You have two choices in life : You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. Submitted by Devios : 18-May-2005 00:29 EST How do you turn a lawn mower into a snow blower? Hand the bitch a shovel. Submitted by Big Daddy : 23-Feb-2005 23:07 EST Fight with the Little Woman Walking into the bar, Eddie said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Henry. I just had a fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" Henry said, "And how did this one end?" "It was wild!"... Eddie replied, "But, when it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "Now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit !" Submitted by Big Daddy : 23-Feb-2005 17:56 EST Hormone Hostage The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! Submitted by Big Daddy : 07-Feb-2005 20:48 EST Guys Night Out Updated permission slip for a Guys Night Out . Submitted by Doc : 02-Nov-2004 20:31 EST The Joys of Marriage "My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained the harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I've already had it!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 28-Oct-2004 17:35 EST The definition 'Bravery' True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys. Then.....being assaulted by your wife with a broom, And still having the guts to ask: "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?" Submitted by Big Daddy : 10-Oct-2004 10:41 EST