West Virginia Blonde Two bored casino dealers are at the crap table, waiting for players. A very attractive blonde woman from West Virginia arrives and announces she wants to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." Moral - Not all West Virginians are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. Submitted by Saraphina : 27-Jun-2006 19:11 EST Q - What did the blonde say after having multiple orgasms? A - "Way to go, team!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 26-Jan-2006 21:44 EST Blonde Bowling Team Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 26-Jan-2006 00:15 EST Blonde at the Hotel An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 22-Jan-2006 22:29 EST First Day on the Job A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf." Submitted by Big Daddy : 22-Jan-2006 22:28 EST 3 Blonde Detectives A policeman was interviewing 3 blondes who were training to become detectives . To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"... Submitted by Big Daddy : 09-Jan-2006 15:32 EST A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks... ..."Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says and hangs up. Submitted by Big Daddy : 16-Aug-2005 21:50 EST A blonde lady gets home early from work... and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the man. She rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her 4-year old son comes up and says "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Jan's hiding in your closet and she's got no clothes on!" The gal slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past her screaming husband, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "YOU ROTTEN S.O.B.," says the wife, "My husband's having a heart attack and you're tunning around naked scaring the kids!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 13-Aug-2005 15:33 EST Why do blondes get confused in the bathroom? Because they have to pull their own pants down. Submitted by Big Daddy : 13-Aug-2005 14:40 EST A beautiful young blonde woman was appearing in court... ...to face a public disorder charge. When her name was called out in the court foyer, she brushed her hair, checked her make-up, took a deep breath, and walked into the court and took to the witness stand. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the blonde answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the blond and said, "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed acts of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf who was waving a union jack on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100 mph through the centre of London, in a blizzard and you were totally nude?" The blonde composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said, "What was the date again?" Submitted by Big Daddy : 15-Jul-2005 21:13 EST A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt. "Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?" Submitted by Big Daddy : 15-Jul-2005 21:10 EST Which is farther, Florida or the moon? Two Blondes, living in Arkansas were sitting on a bench one evening when one asked the other, "What do you think is farther, Florida or the moon?" The other blondes give her a puzzled look and replies, "Helloooooooo--Can you see Florida?!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 10-Jun-2005 22:39 EST Two drunk blondes tryin to get home Two drunk blondes are stranded in the middle of nowhere trying to get home. The first blonde needs to pee so she tromps off into the bushes. After almost 10 minutes the second blonde begins to get worried and heads into the field to look for her friend. She walks for half a mile until she finally finds the first blonde kneeling beneath a horse, blowing him. "What in the world are you doing that for?" she slurs. The first blonde sucks her lips away from the huge cock and drools, "Hold on, I think I may be able to get us a free ride home." Submitted by Big Daddy : 10-Apr-2005 00:04 EST Blonde Bank Robbery This is what happens in a Blonde Bank Robbery . Submitted by Big Daddy : 10-Apr-2005 00:01 EST A good example of suspicious behavior is... ...a blonde doing push-ups in a cucumber field. Submitted by Big Daddy : 25-Mar-2005 10:34 EST What is the difference between a walrus and a blonde? One has fishy lips and bristly whiskers, and the other is a walrus. Submitted by Big Daddy : 25-Mar-2005 10:32 EST 51 Days! A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and again they toast to 51 days and down their drinks. The bartender said, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting to 51 days?" One of the blondes explained, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle that had written on the box 2-4 years and we finished it in 51 days!" Submitted by Big Daddy : 8-Mar-2005 12:17 EST Blonde Surgery and Sex Life When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy." Submitted by Big Daddy : 28-Feb-2005 10:57 EST "Hi, my name is Heather" "And you are Loosing your load " said the blonde to the trucker. Submitted by Big Daddy : 28-Feb-2005 10:52 EST Running from the police... A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops, they hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags, the first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it, she says "MEOW" the cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it she says "WOOF". The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it she says in her sweetest voice..."POTATO" Submitted by J-mac : 02-Feb-2005 20:31 EST $5,000 Loan Why would this blonde bother to borrow $5000 ? Submitted by J-mac : 01-Feb-2005 23:42 EST "Will the father be present during the birth?" "Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician solicitously. "No," replied the blonde mother to be. "He and my husband don't get along". Submitted by BigDaddy : 26-Jan-2005 18:42 EST Pink Curtains "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains ." Submitted by J-mac : 02-Nov-2004 19:00 EST Secretary You know that your blonde secretary has been using your office computer when you find white out on the monitor. Submitted by Doc : 22-Oct-2004 22:37 EST TGIF!?!? A business man got on an elevator in a downtown office building. As he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already in the car, and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F." He smiled back at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F," again. He acknowledged her remark by again answering, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F," another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical statement, "S-H-I-T." The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F --- T-hank G-oodness I-t's F-riday; .... get it?" The man answered, "S-H-I-T ---- S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday." Submitted by Doc : 09-Oct-2004 11:50 EST